So I am back on medication after a three week hiatus / I ran out.  This time we’re trying Concerta ER starting at 36mg.  I looked at the pharmacokinetics and the profile looks really smooth, and probably the correct duration.  Needless to say though, I’m jittery and with that comes a faux anxiety effect.  This should go away tomorrow or Sunday though.

A few things I’ve noticed - and I wanted to get these written down so I can see later:

1) I wrote on my whiteboard one day something to the following effect:  medication doesn’t always help me start something, but it helps me finish it.  There are some things that I have built up anxiety about doing, so I need to make an effort to get the ball rolling.  Once there, I’ll do better on medication than if I weren’t.  This is the case for existing tasks or action items, things that are looming.  As far as new items that come up, I’ll be more motivated to start on medication than without.  For all these “items” referred to, we’re talking about things that would have reservations associated with it - mostly related to the mental effort involved.

2) Adderall was saving my life, so to speak, in regards to scheduling.  I didn’t realize how much it was helping until I was off of it.  All of the sudden I was having issues sleeping at a normal hour, staying up even though I knew I should be sleeping - and then there was waking up.  Impossible.  Using it to wake up in the morning does seem sort of abusive in a sense, but a greater affect it had was structuring my day and allowing my to fall asleep at night.  I think the latter is a valid rational for this.

3) They used to call me the “HGD” at home - human garbage disposal.  I could eat a lot.  It seems that took about three weeks to finally revive.  It’s sad because I really enjoy foods a lot more (at least inherently) when completely off medication, however it wasn’t that hard to enjoy food after I had adjusted to the medication previously.  I gained about 20 pounds in the swing - from 155 (possibly underweight for me) to 175 at most (slightly overweight for me).  Most doctors would be alarmed by a 20 pound swing, so the effect is obviously significant.  In both situations, however, I’m relatively fit even without a lot of exercise - which is thanks to God for my metabolism.

I’m going to start working out again, but I really wish I had a heart rate monitor.  They are just too expensive it seems though.  I almost got one at the drug store (figured it would be a cheapo) - but then it was $75…

Ritalin is said to be a little less rough than Adderall on the onset/offset effects, etc - although I have occasionally heard the opposite.  The good thing for me is that most people react to Ritalin like I do to adderall - with a 3-4 hour duration.  Because of this, Concerta ER has been formulated with a release mechanism that I would have liked to have seen in Adderall.   They are so similar though, that this may be the answer for me even though I had previously thought I preferred AMP over MPH.  I’d still love to see some new studies on ADD…

This is kinda cool - you can tell by the volume of writing that I’m on medication.  I always learn so much about myself going on or off these things.

On another note, I’m so incredibly blessed with everything God has given me.  Natthanit is awesome, and even though things are tight right now, we have a pretty good thing going for us.

Oh yeah, and “Touchtone Inferno” by Reeve Oliver is… well, good.